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Sunday, February 8, 2009

There and Back Again

Well, after my previous post when I had all but made up my mind that we probably wouldn't be taking in my granddaughter we had a phone conference with CPS and other involved agencies and they strongly suggested we at least go through with the home-study and background checks so that if it is decided down the road that it would be best for her to come here everything is done and ready so it can happen quickly at that point. This is the same advice my wise sister-in-law gave me the night before the conference, so that is the plan for now.

This whole thing is like a roller coaster or yo-yo or something with all the back and forth in decision making not only on our end but with the whole legal process. It is a weighty decision as many lives are affected.

For the first time in my life I can honesty say I've turned it all over. Many people, myself included say they turn things over to God, yet they still try to control the situation themselves. Or they say they turn it over out of desperation, when there seems nothing else to do. This is different. I do have a certain amount of control over this if I want it, and I do know in my heart what I really want to happen, but I also know there is One who loves my granddaughter even more than I do, and He knows what is best. So, in faith and trust I truly turn it over. It's not all so easy as it sounds, as I am a bit of a control freak and to just completely let go, is very hard for me. It really is.

To some, it may seem that I am using my faith as a crutch or cop-out, or the easy way out of decision making. But as I've said, this is actually harder for me than to keep control of the situation myself. Although when I finally did let go, there was an unexplainable peace that I haven't ever quite experienced before.

I heard this song last night, now my new favorite, as it so well tells how I am feeling.

It's from the movie Fireproof. While the movie was GREAT, this video is quite boring, but it has all the lyrics for this awesome song!

Lyrics to While I'm Waiting :
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord


Anne said...

"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"

William Cooney said...

Interesting post, Tara. Oddly enough, you spoke to a kind of phenomenon I can relate to. Now I know you're aware of my non-religious way of thinking, but I nonetheless identified with this notion of "turning it over."

About 12 years ago, when I was reeling with the combined effects of thyroid disease and bipolar symptoms, there came a moment - during my third hospital stay - when I realized that, at least for the time being, I was not going to be able to do this alone.

In my case, I "turned over" the task of managing my decision making and health concerns to mental health professionals. I wasn't until I relinquished this autonomy that I finally started to make progress on the road to recovery. My commitment to remaining compliant with my medication and attendance regarding counseling was the key to my improvement.

But back to the point ... The parallel here seems to be knowing when times are such that we cannot do it alone and "turn thing over" to an "agency" that can help. Yes there is the stark difference between us as to who we turn things over to - you, your personal God, and I, my fellow man.

What I want to point out is that there seems to be common ground on this point that complete independence and autonomy are myths. We are, indeed, called to one another in order to make the world go round.

While I certainly respect wholeheartedly that you choose to seek a "higher power" for your sustenance, the worldview of humanists tells us we should turn to our fellow man for sustenance.