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Sunday, June 20, 2010

But I Don't Want To Be Thin!

Words I thought would never come out of my lips, yet I sit here giggling a little as these exact words escaped my mouth quite to my surprise just the other day.

Growing up I was always super skinny, never able to gain weight even though I wanted and needed to. Then as I got older and started having children, that changed pretty quickly. At my heaviest I was 152(NOT pregnant at the time!) That’s pretty heavy for me at 5′3". About five years ago thanks to a sound program I got down to a healthy 120. About that time I got involved in Kendo and more weight melted off. I couldn’t keep it on, it was just like when I was young. I could eat whatever I wanted and it still kept coming off. I soon was down to barely 100 lbs! I wasn’t trying to lose weight at all.

Well, things in my personal life changed, I had to give up my Kendo lessons as I now had a young grandbaby to raise and the weight started coming back on. Not alot, just 10 or so pounds that I desperately needed anyway. But as the pounds came on, I started thinking I was fat!! While taking Kendo, I was a size 1 and now I was wearing a 3 and convinced I was fat! I was probaly "skinny fat" but was surely far from overweight at a size 3.

As I started to creep up to a 115lbs and a size 5, I started working out at home using DVD’s and eventually discovered weight training thanks to P90X. As my body started changing, so did my goals. Rather than wanting to be "skinny" I wanted to be lean, muscular, "buff". Not only has weight training been great for my body, it has been even better for my mind and self image issues. It has made me more mindful of my eating. Rather than starving myself to be thin, I now eat to "feed" my body and muscles.

The funny thing is I am now a tight size 5, more comfortable 7 and weigh between 115-118 lbs. This is an increase in both size and weight and yet I am constantly asked if I’ve lost more weight! I personally think I look much better now than I did before, though I still have a ways to go in regards to the look I am trying to achieve.

The funny part though was a couple of evenings ago before I hopped into the shower, I tried on a pair of pants and went out to show my husband who commented on how thin I’ve gotten and while I would have LOVED to have heard those words a couple of years ago and am sure it was meant as a compliment I was actually annoyed and shouted "but I don’t want to be thin!" I think my husband probaly thought I was nuts, and who knows, maybe I am.

1 comment:

Red said...

I am 5'2" and about 130ish pounds.Which puts me at about a size 10 or so. I love my body. Would I like to be more tone? By all means, but not weigh less.

Society has engraiend in us so terribly much that thinner is better. N-O-T!

I had a woman ask me thee other day if I got fat from eating beans, due to the fact that I am a vegetarian. Then she looked at me and said, 'Guess not.'

Wonder why people still feel that near anorexia is OK? And that benas are more fattening than a T-Bone steak...really??